This is a guest post by Dr Emilie DeYoung

As February comes to a close and we embark on March, you may be sensing the seasonal doldrums that accompany the loooooong period between Christmas Vacation and Spring Break. For school calendars, the months of January, February, and March often experience an ‘educational surge’ where students encounter more frequent tests and receive larger loads of homework. In addition, limited light due to shorter days and cloudy weather can perpetuate already irritable moods. What is a mentor to do? Let me offer just a few thoughts. 

First, watch for changes in the student that you are mentoring. You might have a typically, talkative ten-year-old who begins to withdraw, or complains of being tired or sad. Or, perhaps your ‘busy’ boy loses interest in activities that have been favorites for weeks. Or, your gentle second grader begins to exhibit signs of anger and aggression. While there are a multitude of possibilities behind these changes, they might be indicators of depression or possibly, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). While we often attach the notion of SAD to adults, kids can experience seasonal mood shifts as well. Common symptoms of SAD include fatigue, irritability, withdrawal from activities previously enjoyed, difficulty concentrating, and loss of motivation. In addition, sleep and appetite can be affected. When these symptoms become the norm rather than the exception over the course of two or more weeks, it is important to consider depression or SAD as a possible cause.  

Whether or not depression is to blame, there are a variety of activities that might restore some joy in your time together. 

1. Remember that inactivity breeds inactivity, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. In other words, the sedentary months of winter where kids gravitate toward screens or devices perpetuate the problem. How quickly minutes and hours pass when students are engaged with electronics! During your mentoring time, be sure to get those bodies moving for at least five minutes. A few laps around the room or skipping up and down a hallway can be FUN. Even more important, movement and exercise release healthy doses of “feel good” chemicals in the brain. No wonder most kids feel better after exercise! 
2. If possible, spend some time outside. Even when the weather is frigid, there are outdoor activities that can elevate mood. Perhaps you can catch snowflakes together (check out this link), or watch boiling water freeze (check out this link). No matter the weather, the fresh air does a body good. 
3. Engage in child-centered or creative, imaginary play. In order to do this, you will need to invite your mentee to pretend with you. I suspect that you remember pretend play as a child. Maybe you were the teacher while all of your stuffed animals were students. Or, you were an astronaut who made regular visits to Mars. Pretend play engages a part of the brain that is different than the ‘thinking brain’ required most often in school. Last week, I engaged in pretend play with a client who was pretend auditioning for American Idol. As we belted out various songs, we “judged” each other on performances. My sides ached from laughter! It was a welcome relief in the middle of a dreary afternoon.  

I suspect that you are wondering about the absence of worksheets or “homework” in my suggestions. My simple response is this. Your ‘homework’ or work time during the mentoring hour will be much more productive if you try one of these suggestions first. In addition, spending time on an activity, in the outdoors, or in an imaginary world will inevitably build the relational equity that you might need to persuade your student to do the homework during these winter doldrums. May you be richly blessed as you show up for your students! 

The post Dueling with the Doldrums…  appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

First, it is important to begin with an acknowledgement of the Creator of all things. The more I learn about trauma, the more I am amazed with the way in which human body works. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful; I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 13 What a powerful reminder that God intricately designed our minds and bodies to reflect his image. So, whether we are considering the impact of a ‘cortisol flood’ on a developing brain, or the ‘amygdala’ gone haywire caused by stress and trauma, we can rest assured that God created protective mechanisms that allow our bodies to fully reflect his purpose.

With that framework in mind, let’s consider a proper definition for Trauma. For me, it is helpful to combine the thoughts of a few different authors from the American Psychological Association, the Children’s Traumatic Stress Network, and Lenore Terr (a pioneer in the field of trauma). The following bullet points based on a combination of thoughts from those authors illustrate the important elements of Trauma…

• It is a response to a negative external event or series of events

Many kids endure various experiences that lead to a Trauma response. These experiences might include: physical or sexual abuse, abandonment, neglect, death or loss of a loved one, witnessing domestic violence, automobile or other serious accidents, life threatening health situations, witnessing or experiencing community violence, witnessing police activity or having a close relative incarcerated, natural disasters, acts or threats of terrorism, or living in chronically chaotic environment in which housing and financial resources are not consistently available. (The last item is often referred to as ‘toxic stress’. We will learn more about this in future posts.) Ultimately, it is important to remember that Trauma can be caused by a single event or a number of events.

• It is a type of damage to the mind

Research and brain imaging studies have shown that Trauma changes the way the brain functions. It can hijack the system for emotion regulation or interfere with cognitive processes. In fact, some research reveals that Trauma can be responsible for chronic maladies including heart disease, obesity, and even diabetes. Trauma can have a significant impact on the health and functioning of kids.

• It surpasses a child’s ordinary coping skills

Though our brains and bodies are ‘hardwired’ with the ability to tolerate various amounts of stress, a Trauma experience exceeds the ability of those natural mechanisms. Consequently, the brain may lose the capacity to connect speech or language to the experience, or a person may experience nightmares or flashbacks related to the situation.

• It renders a child temporarily helpless and unable to integrate the emotions involved with that experience

You may have heard of the stress response that includes ‘fight, flight, or freeze.’ A Trauma experience and reaction can rob a child of any sense of control. This being said, it is important to allow trauma survivors to make simple choices, empowering them to feel a greater sense of control. (We will learn more about this in future posts.)

• It results in intense fear, horror, or helplessness

The emotions related to trauma can be very intense. In fact, on a scale of one to ten, emotions related to Trauma might measure at eleven… or even twenty. Common feelings related to trauma can include rage, terror, sadness, disappointment, horror, or numbness.

• Behavior may be dysregulated, disorganized or agitated

A child’s behavior following Trauma can be confusing, however, please remember that ALL BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION. Kids often do not have words to express their thoughts and feelings, so they communicate through their behavior. Though these behaviors can be frustrating, it is helpful to see past the behavior and discern the message they are trying to send.

Now that we have a sense for what Trauma is, perhaps we can consider what can be done. In the next several posts, we will continue to visit the concept of Trauma to learn strategies that will equip you to be Trauma-Informed mentors. As we do so, I wish to express my deepest gratitude for the care that you give. You are making a significant impact. And let me leave you with this thought: Research tells us that the most significant factor that helps kids heal from traumatic experiences is a positive, healthy relationship with one adult. Yes, that’s right, YOU.

The post Kids and Trauma appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

From a Kids Hope USA Mentor:

Henry and I have been hanging out for 5 years now. Most of the time, we just read, play games, eat (because it’s over lunch hour these days), and talk. If he has some homework I help him with that as well. He’s a good kid. He’s a fun kid. We have built a great friendship, but there is always this lingering, am I really doing anything for him? Since day 1 of mentoring Henry I’ve wondered if what I was doing really was making a difference. I even had re-assurance from the teacher and others that I was making an impact, but it just never seems like enough. There’s so much more I could and want to do for him, but for now, this is where I’m supposed to be. So, I’ve decided to embrace the statements that I am making a difference even though I don’t usually feel like it. I’ve embraced just seeing him for 20-30 minutes instead of an hour some years because that’s all the time he had between classes after being in Middle School.

Last year was the first time I ever realized I was making a difference.

It was our last time being together before the summer and I always like to reassure him that I’ll be back in the fall as long as he wants me to. So I mentioned, “Well, I’m hoping to come back next year as along as that’s okay with you.”

I waited for a head nod or some affirmation that he had even heard what I said. He tends to not focus the best. Then he replied with the sweet words that have been on repeat in my head all summer long, “All the years!” With much enthusiasm and enjoyment.

That was the first verbal affirmation in 5 years that I received which leads me to believe that maybe I am making a difference. So for all those mentors out there who think they aren’t, just keep showing up and getting to know your student. YOU. ARE. MAKING. A. DIFFERENCE. Live into that truth even if you don’t feel like it most weeks. Your steady presence is impacting a life and you may not see the impact for years, but you are helping guide them to a life where they have the option to make better choices and understand those choices. Cheers to all those who will stick around for “All the years!”

The post “All the Years” appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

“I can’t imagine why God continues to amaze me but He does!  When He decides to move mountains, it just happens!  The first mountain was me even mentoring this year.  I did everything I could to talk myself out of it and yet, there I was, saying “yes.”  When you and I talked about who I might have this year, I knew Andrew was the right one immediately.

When I went today, Ms. Smith and I had a minute to discuss Andrew.  She explained that she had Andrew in 3rd grade last year and now again in 4th grade.  Andrew does NOT talk, ever, even though he is very capable of speech.  If you ask him a question, he does not even say yes or no, he just shrugs.  He also does not smile, EVER!  So Ms. Smith and I agreed that was quite a challenge and whoever was able to get him to smile first would win a chocolate.  She also gave me a journal that he and his mentor used last year as a means of communicating.  They would write in the journal instead of talking.  So as I gathered up Andrew, I just thought, Oh Lord, You have really given me a difficult one this year.  I thought Ishmael was difficult last year because he was just so full of himself.  Now I have just the opposite and what in the world am I going to do with this one.  But the minute I laid eyes on that kid, I knew I loved him!

We went to the cafeteria and I just started talking – one of those, “I will tell you something about me and you tell me something about you. ”  Andrew started opening up even though he spoke so quietly that I could hardly hear him.  I explained that I had these “old ears” and didn’t hear all that well so could he speak up –  and he did.  I had laid his journal between us on the table.  As we talked, he very gently just slid that journal to the far end of the table.  I don’t think we will be journaling this year.  I think we are going to be talking – and hopefully smiling.

As we were going back to his room, he asked what I had done this summer.  (Not only was he talking but he was asking questions!)   I told him I had gone to Minnesota to visit friends and I had spent time with my granddaughters who were home from school.  I came so close to missing a wonderful opportunity.  Almost as an afterthought, I asked him what he had done this summer.  He said not really anything.  But, “I did go see my mom?”  That took me by surprise so I asked where his mom was.  He said he went to Houston to see his mom in prison.  I had not a clue and I was just astonished that he opened up to me and shared that.  I knew we were going to be a few minutes late getting him back to class but I just had to talk to him for that few minutes.  I was not going to miss that opportunity. I gave him a hug and told him I knew he must be sad and missed his mom.  We just talked a few minutes but it is one of those times I will never forget.

I can’t wait to see Andrew next week.  He wants strawberry pop tarts for a snack and wants to play checkers. I bet that is just what we will do!!”

Courtesy of a Kids Hope USA Mentor

The post No need for the Journal appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

The post One-on-One: Why does it matter that we combine relational and academic activities in the mentor hour? appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

The post One-on-One: Should I let my mentee win when playing a game? appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

The post Maintaining Perspective through Listening and Affirmation appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

The post One-on-One – Reaching a Milestone and National Mentoring Month appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

1. She is sweet, always has a great attitude, is considerate of others and helps everyone before she thinks of herself. She always brightens my day.
2. She is friendly to other students.
3. She always has so much perseverance and motivation in school and outside activities.
4. He dreams big.
5. She cares about her a lot about her close friends.
6. She loves her Kids Hope shirt.
7. She has quite the sweet tooth…and a sweet heart!
8. Of all of the goofy stories she shares with me every week.
9. She loves to be creative and think of new ways to play games.
10. He has lots of energy, has fun stories to tell me and he smiles.
11. After three years, she is letting down some walls and sharing much more about her feelings than ever before!
12. He is fun to play games with and has a heart of gold.
13. She makes me laugh and she gives me big hugs.
14. He has a great imagination and tells wonderful stories.
15. He genuinely wants to make others feel included.
16. He is very helpful to those in need.
17. She is sweet and kind to others.
18. He is smart, a good listener, loves to play games and is fun to be with.
19. She is very compassionate.
20. He isn’t afraid to talk in front of people.

The post 20 Reasons My Kids Hope USA student is GREAT! appeared first on Kids Hope USA.

The post One-on-One – How to teach your student to serve others appeared first on Kids Hope USA.